Feeling Incomplete…
Have you ever felt this way?
Lately I feel a certain heaviness in my heart that I can’t barely explain. It’s slowly eating me up… every piece of me. With no reasons at all I suddenly succumb to this feeling. It shatters me down… my whole being.
Things have been going right for me. I got a great family who supports my endeavor. A good paying job that sustains me through my every wants and needs. Friends who are always by my side though thick and thin. A lover who loves me more than himself and plans his future with me in it. But then I find myself in this state I am in.
How did I ever let myself with this kind of emotion?
I have no idea.
The truth is I wouldn’t let it but then I guess I did. I felt so stupid but it is for real. Here I am finding no comfort and not feeling like who I am… or who I was. Isn’t the things going on with my life right now should be sufficient to make me happy yet here I am feeling broken inside… so incomplete.
Hours seems so endless as I lay awake on my bed pondering on what is happening to me. I cannot find any answers to my questions. I need to get some sleep but then Time passes me by and I am wide awake with the difficulty of dealing with mixed emotions. Those emotions never left me even when I find myself busy at work.. it keeps running through my mind. I feel so tired suddenly.
I feel so tired of life. No encouragement nor love itself can keep me going. The only thing that keeps me going on is the thought that I need to survive for those I love. If I give up now, nothing would be left of me. My parents tried to talk it over but it seems so hopeless. My friends seeing all the changes pries me out with what’s going on with me, I cannot answer them. The one person for me gives me all the strength and love that I need yet it seems useless.
My goals seems so far away that I feel like I am losing it all. It is hitting me all at once that I find myself in daze unable to move forward with every steps I have planned. Nothing… nothing can keep me to go on. I fear that if this keeps going on I would be breaking down again like I used to before.
There is a certain heaviness in my heart… heavier than anything I have experienced before. I cried in silence, I shouted on the rooftop and I have prayed to God to take it all away. Yet until now I have it. This indifference towards myself… it is very hard to explain.
Oh God please give me the strength to carry me through every day with this feeling. I don’t want to live with it. I am slowly fading away… and maybe sooner or later I would hit the dust. From where I have fallen I might look up and see that I am six feet under the ground.
