Angst_Ridden

Another year has passed and hey guess what? Another day is added… and today I officially turn 24.

Yay! It is my birthday… February 29. After four years of waiting, I have another official birthday. Why did I say official? Well there are three years that there is no February 29 in the calendar so my unofficial birthdays are February 28 and March 1.

Right now I am 6 years old. Hahaha, young and old at the same time.

Last night before I went to work my mother gave me a heads-up about my birthday. I am not sure if we will prepare anything… I got no budget for my birthday. Well maybe if I can spare something out of my wallet then maybe I could. But it is OK, it doesn’t matter somehow. I am still happy.

Tonight I wouldn’t be reporting for work. I already asked my supervisor that I would take a leave so I can spend some time alone in my birthday.

Since it is officially my birthday today, I will let you in to some things you might somehow not know about me.

24 Things You Might Not Know About Francois

1. Among siblings, I am the only one who got black hair and black eyes.
2. And also I am the only one that my father looks like.
3. I am the only gay among siblings.
4. I got asthma.
5. And I smoke (I know, I know… it is a bad habit).
6. I got a birthmark on the inside of my right arm.
7. I got a tattoo on my right leg.
8. There are four piercings in the upper lobe of my left ear (and counting).
9. My waistline never exceeded 29 inches.
10. I never owned a watch in my whole life.
11. That I have forgotten how to play the piano except for "Mary Had A Little Lamb".
12. I am agnostic.
13. My first lover was when I was 12.
14. At that age was also the first time I had my first sexual experience. (blush).
15. I date a lot but only got 5 serious relationships.
16. That I barely get angry but if I do then I guess I should wear a beware sign.
17. I love sad love songs (Warning: I am not EMO).
18. I love chocolates… it’s my weakness.
19. That I love dogs more than cats.
20. If I could sleep all day I would.
21. I am a frustrated model.
22. I like coffee.
23. That I love to swim but hates to get dark.
24. I feel happy whenever it rains.

So I guess that’s it.

And where is my gift?

Hahaha!!!

Seems like it was forever.
When the truth is it was just for a moment.
Covered by a blanket of emotional coldness.
It is such a torment.
Suffering, I shiver inside and my voice shakes.
Breath of freezing mist is all I have.
My voice falls down on my feet.
Tell me what does it mean, the word love?
The wind rages outside my small world.
Barrier of hard expanded vapor shielding me.
Reaching out to me.. calling out my name.
Yet I am blind, I cannot see.

I feel so numb, it hurts so much.
Everything goes around in a rush…
Can you feel it?

Just a moment to be like this.
Almost eternity.
Can’t you see me here.
Sitting in fake serenity.

Give me warmth in this burning winter.
My soul has been frozen…

Far beneath the snows of punishment.
Spring feels so far away.
Pain feels like nothing.
I feel it everyday.

In a wash of tender heat.
Thaw me away from here.
Let me see the light which isn’t really there…

Will the light take me?
Or will I take it…