Running Away…
"Goodbye",
I softly whispered as I have closed the door and welcomed the horizon
set before me. It seems endless… so vast and wide.
Been through this before. I have escaped… I came back. And now I am running away again.
My feet trod heavily as I hear the stone crunching under my weight. This is the start of another story in my life.
My emotions burdened and my mind in a haze.
A step, taking me farther from you. A mile, I am almost gone.
Will you ever notice I am not beside you anymore? Will you run after me like you did before?
Inside,
I am hoping that you would but then I know that it is better if you
don’t. Because if I see you, this determination would crumble in to
dust and I will find myself falling just like I used to and it is not
right. Nothing from the start was right, it was just the feeling but
then it is not enough. Maybe I have expected too much. Being with you
is enough compensation… so I thought. Then one thing lead to another
that I cannot explain. In the end, I find myself alone… even though
you were there.
So here I am, looking left and right… I am really alone. Why do I wonder about being alone when it has been my choice.
The moon shines with a cold light as I traverse this road.
Walked through this same path, only to find myself back from where I have started.
But I have made up my mind and there is no turning back.
All I wanted is to be free. Free from those things that hold me, free from the memories that bind me, free from you.
Slowly I make my way through this cold night, slowly breaking my heart
through my own accord. I can say it is sadistic… I am hurting myself.
But this is the only way I can do to make me realize that life is
really unfair and that I should bear that consequences of my act to
make me stronger. Not just for myself but for all that I am leaving
behind. This is a journey of sacrifice and realization… not a journey
of self-pity and pain.
Tears
cloud my vision, how can I go on? It feels like I am walking with no
direction. Even though I have nowhere to go, I am not lost. Being lost
are for those people who doesn’t know what to do. But I know what to
do… it is just that I don’t know where I am headed at. Pathetic, yes
it sounds pathetic but I am not lost at all. Maybe somewhere, somehow
along this road, something can give me a sense of direction.
It is dark.
Darkness
rules and shadows lurk in every corner but I am not scared. Why should
I be scared when this darkness covers me and gives me a feeling of
comfort through this lonely journey. It makes me feel at ease as I am
here on my own. I am not afraid.
Tiredness
crept in to my legs and I sit in this crossroad. Where will I go where
you cannot follow? You have known me so well that you know where I’ll
be. Do I leave marks behind as a clue to where I am or does your heart
leads the way? Do you search for me in your dreams or follow your
intuition? If I know the answer then maybe I can find a way for you not
to find me.
I stood up and went on with my way, praying that we’ll never cross path again… not at this time of my life.
A hundred miles, a thousand miles, a million miles away from you… that is my goal.
Now I am running away… forgive me if I do.
But the only way for me to
live another day is to go on without you.
Take some time to smile when you are sad, to rest when you are tired,
to love if you are feeling empty and to let go if you need to.
Time endures, time heals.
In this life, just take some time for yourself and everything will fall in to the right place.
